erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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