the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
