you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
