You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
one two three fourrrrnication!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
