I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
