Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
