Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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