I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
