I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
