i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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