tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
