I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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