I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize