Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
