Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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