At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
