By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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