what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
