i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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