Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
