well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
