if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
