Sponge bath it is.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
