my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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