i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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