chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
