I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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