By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
