I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
