It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
