thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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