Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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