we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
