I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
