I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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