I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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