Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
