btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize