So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize