I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Terrible idea I love it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
