If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize