I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
