At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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