We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
