Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
