can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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