You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize