i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
