there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
