Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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