I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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