It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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