walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
