D3 body, D1 cock
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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