I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize