Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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