finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
