we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
