We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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