a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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