I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
