Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
