Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
