There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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