fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
