After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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