just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
