I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
