i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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