Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it penis luge time yet?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
