We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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