Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
